baby behr: up, up, and away shower

Yesterday we hosted a baby shower for one of my dearest friends. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love to throw a party! Especially for people I love.

First, about this girl. Lauren and I are both from Greenwood. Knew each other in middle school, went to high school together, and had the same friends. While I wouldn’t say we were super close, we were friends and I have several memories of us hanging out or getting into typical teenage trouble. Her husband, Kyle, and I have been friends since the 2nd grade. We lived in the same neighborhood for several years, and always seemed to end up dating friends so we double dated a lot. 

We all went to different colleges, and were reunited when a mutual friend got married. Lauren and I, after not seeing each other in about 4 years, went on said friend’s bachelorette party,  and I remember thinking [and probably saying], “where have you been all my life?” Nick met Kyle for the first time at the wedding, and they’ve been friends ever since. For the past 8ish years now (wow), we have walked alongside each other in everything. We are framily. Dinners, holidays, concerts, vacations, lazy nights in our PJs, bachelorette parties, weddings, baby showers, deliveries, recoveries,  moves, new jobs. 

Lauren and I are pretty much the same person...though she is a much quieter and sweeter version of that person than I am. She is always thinking of others, always. She always stops everything to help everyone. We pick on her at work because she talks to everyone, she knows everyone...not out of obligation, but because she genuinely wants to know about their life. She is always kind...even when I try to tell her she has “the right to mean” sometimes. I’ve seen her upset, angry, and offended, but not once have I witnessed her act unkind as a result of those emotions. I’m wondering if she even has the capability of being a jerk. I admire her weird kindness, and aspire to give grace as freely as she does. 

She doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, but she pushes me to look beyond myself. This is one of 134,500 reasons I'm thankful for her. She brings so much perspective to our friendship, and without her, God help me. We have  acquired something almost like twin telepathy... no words needed 85% of the time. We just know. The same absurd things make us laugh and cry.

I am so grateful for this decade that is about to end for me and excited about the one to come. This decade, post-college, has been so refreshing. I’ve learned the value in quality over quantity of good, solid, fruitful friendships. Fruitful. I love that word. That is what our friendship is, in a nutshell. We rejoice together, we mourn together, we vent, we offer perspective, we pray for each other, we call it like it is. We have fun, we [belly] laugh, we support each other, we work together, we share books, stories, fears, dreams, clothes, recipes, grief, joy. She cares. She is genuine. She loves...well. Very well. She is a chosen Aunt to my daughter and she loves Reaves like her own. Any mama knows why this makes me ugly cry. She is the type of friend people want, and everyone NEEDS. I like to think we balance each other well, but I often wonder how could I possibly bring anything to the table when she’s just that awesome by herself. I am thankful for who I am now, post-college, because of my Framily, because of friends like her. 

In the past two years our Framily has grown [tis the season for BABIES]. What an amazing season we’re in. It’s one thing to grow up with people, but to begin raising your children together, and walk through the craziness of parenting together...there are no words. Well sometimes there are words. “Help” is one that comes to mind, and a few choice others I won’t mention. Lauren has always showered us with love. When I had Reaves, when Jessica had Larkin. She visited, she spoiled, she decorated, she brought food [food = LIFE to a new parent]. I remember wanting nothing more than a large cheese dip from Moe’s and a cold Coke after I delivered Reaves [#gestationaldiabetesprobs]. Sure enough, in pop Lauren and Kyle not 6 hours later... Moe’s cheese dip and a Coke. I seriously think I drank it straight from the cup. 

So now it’s our turn. It’s time for us to shower and love on her. We are so incredibly excited to see our dear friends welcome their baby into the world in two months. I can’t wait to love on this sweet child and to walk alongside Lauren and Kyle in this next chapter. Yesterday's shower was so fun. Lauren and Kyle aren't finding out Baby Behr’s Gender, so we did our best to keep it neutral. But hey, #girlmomprobs. 

Here’s to you, Behrendt Family. We love you so so much.

I mean..who looks like this pregnant? Seriously...

Missing our other hostess, Jessica! She got the flu and had to stay home. We missed you, J!

...because this is us.

So this week [SPOILER ALERT] we finally found out how Jack Pearson died on This Is Us. Two episodes, Super Bowl Sunday and it's regular Tuesday night episode, have put my emotions into overload. It's just too much to process for one week.... thus discovering just how emotionally fragile I am. Whew. 

I realized I never really posted an introductory post about me or my family, so how appropriate I introduce "Us" this week. Disclaimer: we are not as cool as the Pearson family, fyi.

Here goes. I'm Alicia! I'll be 29+1 in a few short months [I dare not say the word]. I am married to my husband, Nick, [five years strong] and together we have a sassy and sweet almost two-year-old daughter, Marian "Reaves". We have two fur-babies, an almost 11-year-old Cocker Spaniel, Mia, and a 3-year-old cat, Stella. RIP to our former four-legged babies, Murphy, our golden retriever, and Paisley, Stella's litter sister, who both passed away within the past year and a half. 

Nick and I were both born and raised in South Carolina. Nick is from Simpsonville, and I was raised in Greenwood. We've now settled in the Powdersville community, and hope to never live anywhere else. This small town and the people in it have been so good to us, and we look forward to raising kids here, and chickens...one day.

I'll start with me. I grew up a dance and choir nerd, and stayed [against better judgment] in Greenwood for college [Lander], joined Phi Mu fraternity, and majored in Business Administration with an emphasis in Health Care Management. For the first five years of my professional life after college, I worked in the senior living industry in many different capacities ranging from rehabilitation and life enrichment to sales and community outreach. I have a passion for two things: addiction recovery/women's ministry and the aging population/senior citizens. If I could do any job in the entire world, salary aside, I would become a senior advocate, helping seniors and adult children prepare for the golden years, while maintaining their purpose and quality of life. I now work in graduate medical education, which I have come to really enjoy. It provides me a better work/life balance, and I'm incredibly grateful I just so happen to work with amazing people, some of which have become great friends. 

Oh my gosh, she was so little.

While spending time with my little family is my favorite, I love to read, go on trips, serve in our community, plan/host parties, tailgate, watch Clemson football or basketball, spend hours browsing around Target, and hang out with our closest friends, which we refer to as our framily. I'm also in love with all things Joanna Gaines, have an unhealthy obsession with sushi and chocolate, and am a major musical theatre nerd. I only wish I had been talented [and brave] enough for Broadway. I hate hotels, booths, public restrooms, and flying [mostly because planes are a giant petri dish]. I struggle with germs...which is even harder with a toddler who loves licking and touching everything [CRINGE]. I regret to admit that I love a good Netflix binge [wait, it gets sadder] and could make watching cat and/or sloth videos on YouTube my daily workout routine. I love old things and family heirlooms, but hate clutter so I'm constantly battling with the accumulation of too much 'stuff'. I organize when I'm frustrated, but it is also the very thing that frustrates me the most. I sound like one big contradiction. 

Mostly, I love being a mom and the bond that happens so effortlessly with other mamas. It's like an exclusive club where no one knows what's going on, but we all know what's going on and can support each other in that confusion. That's one reason I became so drawn to women's ministry with moms recovering from addiction. Because they're fighting, too, for their kids. Our challenges may look different, but that's really what all of us moms are trying to do, big picture.

 

BABIES (circa Summer of 2007)

Enough about me, more about Nick [all the heart eyes]. First, he is such a private person, so I'm sure he's hating the fact I'm about to talk about who he is. Nick and I met online back when you had to have a college email to have a Facebook account [there's that 29+1 age showing]. We had mutual friends on Facebook the summer before starting Lander, and my brother worked with several people who knew him and could vouch he wasn't an axe murderer. We began chatting via Facebook for several weeks, which led to AIM [old], which led to texting, which led to phone conversations, which led to a blind date [and learning he was a Ginger]. After six months in the friend zone during our first semester of college, I ended up loving that red hair, big smile, and great heart so much. We dated for five years before he popped the question, and have been married now for another five. There have been wonderful moments, and terrible ones. Joyful moments, and sad ones, some that were both at the same time. We have failed, and succeeded. We have sinned and forgiven, loved and lost, lied and corrected, celebrated and yelled... we have learned, but know we will fall short again in the years to come, and put our hope in the Lord that he will guide us through all of what comes our way, just as He has thus far.

Nick also majored in Business with an emphasis in Health Care Management, and works as a financial analyst for graduate medical education. Ergo, we carpool to work and he manages my budget, at home and at the office. Fun, huh? Seriously though, my husband is awesome. He is far wiser, stronger, optimistic, driven, hardworking and capable than I could ever hope to be. Without him, I would surely be lost. He obtained his MBA all while putting up with a  pregnant "me" and during the first six months of parenthood...holy superhero. He is a nerd about a few things: numbers, money, clothes, and realty. He loves to engage in hours of conversation about budgeting, discounts, cost savings, and always looks at property in our area, for fun. He also spends more time getting ready than I do, most days, and it probably shows. He has two major love languages, which play out in everything he does: quality time and acts of service. He is not affectionate, but shows his love by providing, helping, supporting, and being present. His favorite candy is a persona of who he is, Sour Patch Kids, and when once asked what tv sitcom best described his life, he answered Everybody Loves Raymond [Wait, am I Debra?]

He loves golf, craft beer, Clemson football, baseball, and his daughter...above all else. He is championing this girl dad stuff. He hates to be bored, and has a major case of Misophonia...chewing, gulping, smacking gum...breathing too loud. For his sake, I hope he loses some of his hearing in 40 years. Most wives wish their husbands would listen more...I wish he could hear less ;) Recently, he's become quite handy, teaching himself home DIY skills. His latest project was hacking Reaves' IKEA Kitchen for Christmas to look more modern [will post before and after on another day]. He also did a board and batten wall in our back hallway to serve as a mudroom area for our coats, bags, and shoes. To me, he looks like he could be Chip Gaines long lost little brother... amiright?

Twinsies

Now about our little one, Marian Reaves aka Nick Jr. Reaves was born three weeks early and her birth story was quite theatrical. She was in the NICU for two weeks, which I believe to be a turning moment in our lives; the beginning of "Our Story" if you will. Not just because we had our first child, but because [among other events] that's when we began to learn what it meant to fully seek and depend on the Lord in the midst of anguish and complete lack of control. Both growing up in a protestant church, 'christian' was just something that we were, stories we heard, a life we claimed. I think this moment was the moment that ignited true life change for each of us, shifting us from acknowledgers of Jesus to followers of Jesus.

2 days old

Reaves is an independent, spunky, sassy, and sweet little toddler. She keeps us laughing, and of course, is very busy. She hates to be bored, like her daddy, and is always caring after others...including us. When our plates are empty, she tells us to get more to eat. If we don't have a drink with supper, she tells us to get some water. She tries to pick out our clothes, and help us with our shoes. She reminds me of our grandmothers, one of which she is named after...always making sure everyone has what they need and that no one is left out. She even has to kiss us, hug us, and high five us an equal number of times. She will be a great mom one day. She loves Elmo and any stuffed animal she can find. She, like her mama, is OCD about dirt and cleanliness. She loves to wipe down surfaces, swiffer the floors, and put things away. She loves to sing and dance and is incredibly bright [and coordinated] for her age [of course, I'm biased]. She loves her Mia, Stella, and the Clemson Tigers. I have high hopes for her future as a Clemson Rally Cat! 

And of course, our fur babes. Mia, my first baby, has been with me pretty much as long as Nick. I got her right as we started dating, and she has been through hell and high water with me. She is the smartest, most loving dog in the entire world, even when she makes me cuss from eating the trash. She loves Reaves, even though she tries to make us think otherwise. She naps beside her crib, kisses her goodnight, is first to greet her in the mornings, and follows her around everywhere [maybe because Reaves is always eating]. 

Stella, our cat, is the greatest, too..for a cat, as Nick would say. She is so cuddly and would never hurt a soul. Well, that's not exactly true...she's the neighborhood bird murderer...but humans. We are blessed, now only if they didn't shed.

So this is us! And if you didn't watch This Is Us this week, hug your family extra tight, grab some tissues, and maybe an inhaler. Oh, and some eye cream for the next morning. 

Hubs thinks it's hilarious to snap pictures of me sobbing over my shows.
[This Is Us - Sunday Night Episode]

talk. don't listen.

Finally, I can feel the tension in my shoulders settle a little and am able to breathe a sigh of relief rather than nausea and the impending ‘effects’ that have been all too familiar to us this week. All three of us have been knocked off our feet with different viruses and strands of the flu. Mine started Sunday night of last week. Nick fell victim to it Tuesday, and Wednesday, Reaves spiked a fever of well over 103 which eventually climbed to 105 by Thursday. Yes mamas, cue anxiety attack. We all three visited our [amazing] doctor and all three tested negative for flu. Unfortunately for us, and the rest of the nation, flu swabs are showing negative results for positive cases of ‘other’ strands this season. Fantastic.

My husband hasn’t been to the doctor in 15+ years. He’s been sick twice since I’ve known him… treatment never included a trip to the doctor; only Alka-Seltzer PM, solitude, and a good nap, which he swears by. However, I do have to admit, if Alka-Seltzer doesn’t actually treat your symptoms…at the very least, it knocks you out so hard you don’t realize you’re uncomfortable, so hey… cheers. For him to be out of work a half day, let alone three days, and agree to see our family doctor…you know it’s bad. I think our doctor was equally surprised to see his name on the schedule.

Me, on the other hand… I’m professionally sick. Like really. I suffered major abdominal issues throughout middle and high school that kept me feeling terrible. I basically keep the immune system of a pregnant woman… [which would make you think pregnancy would’ve been a breeze for me…false]. I catch any and everything, always have sinus issues, and random dizziness and nausea isn’t something that really concerns me because it happens often. I’m lucky I guess, but I've learned how to make it work, get it done, and not let it slow me down. Healthy? Probably not.

So “unknown GI bug, flu-like virus” it is. The details should never be spoken of out loud, so I’ll spare you and just sum it up to say a week of an upset stomach, intense migraines, and a super-sick toddler [and husband] has had me exhausted. We had no clean towels, were already wearing our “laundry day” items on Sunday, and we now all needed clean sheets and toothbrushes. Not to mention:

·   I needed to finalize [eh, start] things for a baby shower I hosted for my sister in law this weekend

·   I have two presentations [public speaking, yikes] coming due at work for a National Conference

·     We start recruiting in a week

·    And I have no PTO.

#workingmomprobs

Tension.

I recently finished Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist. If you haven’t read this book, stop reading my post and put it in your Amazon cart. I'll make it easy: click here. It is truly an amazing read.

As part of my 2018 journey to “engage” more, I am trying to implement her simple practice of letting go of perfect, and focus on being present. So when we all three got sick, I stopped. The word “stop” is one I legitimately need to look up in the dictionary every now and then…it just isn’t something I do. I’m too busy [or OCD]. But Shauna has encouraged me that it’s fine to stop. It’s fine for me to choose to cuddle my [not so baby] baby over folding the three loads of laundry scattered along our hallway. It’s fine to leave the dirty dishes in the sink until later so I can spend more time with Reaves while she’s awake. It’s fine. Her words have helped me engage. They’ve helped me live for the present and stop worrying about perfection. It’s uncomfortable sometimes, but refreshing.

So while we were sick, I was present. I was present in our discomfort. I was present in our  mess. I was present in the joy that snuck in when fevers settled and jokes were made. I was sick, we were sick, I stopped, we stopped. We rested. Also a word I need to reference with Webster. That’s what the doctor orders…but it’s never an order I’ve taken seriously.

Now, let’s not get crazy…I am just starting this journey, so my present over perfect mission hasn’t been perfected just yet [ha]. My family wasn't forced to use dirty towels, turn our underwear inside out, or sleep on diseased sheets, so hold your judgment. Just rather than selecting a clean, freshly folded towel from the linen closet with its matching wash cloth, we dove through the crinkled clean clothes basket shoved in our laundry room when we mustered up enough energy to take a shower. See the difference? I feel like such a rebel.

Okay, getting back on track. As much as I made the decision to let go of perfect, and be present, for my own health and for the health and emotional well-being of my family this week, I still felt the overwhelming tension of my to-do list. Every day, I still battled with myself before actually making the decision to let things ride. I came home from work yesterday to a completely clean home. Floors mopped, furniture dusted, laundry put away, toys organized, CANDLES burning...[I've said it before, and will say it again, my hubs rocks]. Even still, I feel the weight of the few articles of clothing that's been added to our hamper and the bags that haven't been unloaded from my car from a  busy day. So as you can see I still have a long way to go. 

Thursday night, I almost let my 2017 habits take over. I briefly became obsessed [and unpleasant to be around] over my decoration and food to do list for my sister in law’s baby shower…something I had been 'planning' for for weeks. 

I sat down, did some work, and when Reaves wanted ‘Mommy’, I stopped. Again. Who am I? I went to bed early, with her and Nick, all cuddled up in our bed ready to take on the three hour shifts of administering medicine to her to bring down [and keep down] her 105 degree fever. Despite the anxiety, that moment, her snuggled in between us, combing her daddy’s hair with one hand and squeezing mine with her other…that moment I was present. And it was perfect.

Because I’m flesh, I woke up yesterday morning…relieved our girl’s fever broke, but grumpy that I still had not gotten everything done for my sister in law’s shower…which was today. Procrastination is not something I can tolerate…in anyone, much less myself. I was rude to Nick. A jerk actually. He offered to help…to cut up confetti, to tie bows, to string pom pom garland… I snapped and told him he couldn’t do it 'like I wanted' so he better not touch it while I was at work. Whoa. What a butthole wife. How much worse did I feel when I walked into a completely cleaned house later that day? Ugh, such a butthole.

So finally to get to this point of this post. Stream of consciousness I tell ya.

When I was pregnant with Reaves, I was gifted an audio-book set of thoughts on faith. Kid-friendly devotionals with CDs for the car. I put one of the CDs in months ago [haven’t listened to it since] when Reaves and I were heading home from daycare in hopes of allowing opportunity for her be exposed to biblical truth. Anyone with an almost-two-year-old is probably laughing at me...because let's be real, toddlers. The CD became just another noise in the car - our drives home usually consists of screams, tears, and instant demands, so I turned it off the same day and forgot about it completely.

Yesterday morning, as I was driving to work, after being a butthole wife [and not apologizing], something deep inside of me told me to play the CD. I had honestly forgotten it was even in there, so how strange that I was so prompted to turn it on. I did and the charming British narrator opens with "Talk to Yourself."

How often do we wake up anxious, mad, or upset about something? [everyday] Probably because we are listening to ourselves and the thoughts that are circulating in our minds. Perhaps something happened the day before that has us sad, or we're anxious about something coming up on our schedule...so we're listening to our thoughts...which for me, was a running checklist of what I had not gotten done. Fair enough. 

But this charming man went on to ask how often do we talk back to ourselves? Telling ourselves who we are, who God is, versus listening to what is consuming our thoughts. Ultimately, stop listening to yourself, and start talking back. Start preaching the gospel to yourself each morning. Ask yourself what has you so anxious, so upset, or angry...and remind yourself that God is Sovereign over all of it and hope is found only in Him, not in the successful completion of a mile-long to do list.

This week I prayed for God's guidance and for the strength to make it through the sickness, the lists, the stress of not being paid for work days missed. The Holy Spirit urged me to tune my ears to the 3-minute children's lesson on that CD. I all too often ask for God's help...but how often do I do my part? The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians to take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ [10:5]... It's easier for me to be lazy and ask God to show up, when I don't. I ask, but I don't seek. I don't talk back to myself, preach the gospel to myself. I listen to myself, and allow my thoughts to captivate me. 

I am constantly amazed at His creativity in how he chooses to connect with us and reveal more of who He is. He also gave my husband a servant heart, which is a blessing to me. A clean house does make me feel better, even though I am working on not letting that control everything else in my life. It's like a good massage for me. It relaxes me. I worked a full day, and was able to come home [to a clean house] and knock out everything on my list, without sacrificing time spent with my family. And the shower ended up being totally fine.

I wish I could say this means I've got it figured out, pat myself on the back, and check this one off of my list of things I need to learn. I really have an issue with checklists. However, knocking my pride down a few pegs [or 10], I know I will battle with this as long as I'm on this side of Heaven. But I find it encouraging that God knows this about me...he actually created me this way. After I turned the CD off, I turned on the radio and "What A Beautiful Name" was playing...I end with these lyrics because they are just so powerful:

"You didn't want Heaven without us,

So Jesus, you brought Heaven down...

My sin was great, Your love was greater

What could separate us now

What a wonderful name it is...

What a wonderful name it is...

The name of Jesus Christ, my King."